A tool that helps us clarify all the reasons we feel we deserve the junk we’ve got and don’t deserve the cake we want.
Melanie kept dating the “wrong kind of guy” over and over again and wanted to change her pattern. She dreamed of building a family with a caring, supportive, and communicative man with whom she could connect deeply, but she feared that if she didn’t break her pattern, she’d be stuck dating “losers” for the rest of her life.
I asked Melanie to visualize her life ten years into the future with a man that she considered a “winner.” She was able to see everything from what their home would look like to how they’d spend their time together. We wrote the whole vision down in detail, and I had her visualize it repeatedly as homework.
Melanie complained about having a difficult time doing the visualization at home. “It just doesn’t feel believable.” She found getting a crystal clear image challenging. As a way of building a solid Thought Bank on this topic, I gave her the homework assignment of completing what I call a Just Desserts Chart. Such a chart collects all the beliefs supporting the Tower of Babble on why Melanie wasn’t moving forward in this area of her life.
Melanie had beliefs holding her back and others blocking her from moving forward. These beliefs brought about her “Just Desserts” – what she believed she deserved in life. She was getting a cheap fast-food milkshake rather than the luxurious chocolate-fondue she wanted merely because her belief system didn’t allow her to ask for or receive anything better.
I asked Melanie to list the reasons that supported the statements at the top of the chart. You can see some of her responses below:
Why I deserve to date the “losers.”
It’s all I’ve ever known.
Guys like that are easy to meet.
I’m more comfortable around them..
They like me..
I can take care of them..
They make me feel special..
Why I don’t deserve a “winner.”
Guys like that don’t exist.
There’s probably not someone
out there for me.
A good guy wouldn’t be interested in me.
I would probably take advantage
of a good guy.
I’m not worthy of someone that good.
Wanting someone like that would set
me up for disappointment.
Using the Just Desserts Chart, Melanie was able to build a Thought Bank that served as the basis for the next few sessions. We did Inquiry on most of the list until Melanie could enjoy visualizing her dream relationship and align her behavior towards manifesting it.
Bringing up the subconscious thoughts that drive our behavior makes personal growth work more effective, especially when we get the decadent dessert we desire as a reward.
Summary of Just Desserts Chart
Use a JustDesserts Chart when you want change but are deeply attached to or comfortable in your present situation.
Like what you’ve read? You can learn JustDesserts Chartalong with 21 other tools in my book, Hold That Thought. Download a free copy of the book here.
Want to dig deeper into Just Desserts Chart? Download a JustDesserts Chartworksheet from the FREE Bonus section of my website!